65 Beauty Tips & Tricks Every Woman Needs to Know

Eaque ipsa quae ab illo inventore veritatis et quasi. Eaque ipsa quae ab illo inventore veritatis et quasi. Et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque. Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam.

Et Harum Qidem Rerum

Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam. Quia consequuntur magni dolores eos qui ratione voluptatem sequi nesciunt. Ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat. Animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit.
  • Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa.
  • Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam.

Quis Nostrum

Do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Totam rem aperiam. Esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur.

Ut Enim

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit. Nemo enim ipsam voluptatem quia voluptas sit aspernatur aut odit aut fugit. Accusantium doloremque laudantium, totam rem aperiam, eaque ipsa quae ab illo. Ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio.
  1. Cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia.
  2. Accusantium doloremque laudantium, totam rem aperiam, eaque ipsa quae ab illo.
  3. Ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat.
Lorem Ipsum Dolor Sit Amet
Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Neque porro quisquam est, qui dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit. Temporibus autem quibusdam et aut officiis debitis aut rerum necessitatibus saepe eveniet ut et voluptates repudiandae sint et molestiae non recusandae.
Quis Nostrum
Ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco. Nisi ut aliquid ex ea commodi consequatur? Quis autem vel eum iure reprehenderit qui in ea voluptate velit esse quam. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat.
Read More

Did you know? Useful tips on walking and fitness

What?! The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands. In my experience, there is no such thing as luck. I’m trying not to, kid.

Jedi Academy

Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you. Escape is not his plan. I must face him, alone. Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you. What!? As you wish. Look, I can take you as far as Anchorhead. You can get a transport there to Mos Eisley or wherever you’re going.
  • I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan–
  • Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you.
  • I’m trying not to, kid.
  • He is here.
  • Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you.

The Empire Strikes Back

As you wish. I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct. He is here.

Jedi Academy

Obi-Wan is here. The Force is with him. Don’t underestimate the Force. Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you. Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you. I want to come with you to Alderaan. There’s nothing for me here now. I want to learn the ways of the Force and be a Jedi, like my father before me. What good is a reward if you ain’t around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station ain’t my idea of courage. It’s more like…suicide.
  1. Dantooine. They’re on Dantooine.
  2. What good is a reward if you ain’t around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station ain’t my idea of courage. It’s more like…suicide.
  3. I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct.
The Phantom Menace
I can’t get involved! I’ve got work to do! It’s not that I like the Empire, I hate it, but there’s nothing I can do about it right now. It’s such a long way from here. Don’t underestimate the Force. Don’t underestimate the Force.
Attack of the Clones
Still, she’s got a lot of spirit. I don’t know, what do you think? Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid. As you wish. In my experience, there is no such thing as luck. Remember, a Jedi can feel the Force flowing through him.
Read More

Is Your Pet Bird A Boy or Girl? Find Out Here!

A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours.

The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show

D’oh. What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway. When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun. Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies.
  • Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
  • When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.

Natural Born Kissers

They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. Save me, Jeebus. I didn’t get rich by signing checks.

The Last Temptation of Homer

I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man? Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work. And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
  1. Jesus must be spinning in his grave!
  2. We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.
  3. I was saying “Boo-urns.”
  4. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
Marge vs. Monorail
Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. Human contact: the final frontier. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!
Homer the Great
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children. I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! Homer no function beer well without. Me fail English? That’s unpossible.
Read More

Wine 101: Essential Wine Tips and Information

It’s only a model. No, no, no! Yes, yes. A bit. But she’s got a wart. He hasn’t got shit all over him. Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone! The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king.

What… is your quest?

The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice! Look, my liege! No, no, no! Yes, yes. A bit. But she’s got a wart. And this isn’t my nose. This is a false one. I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now leave before I am forced to taunt you a second time!
  • The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice!
  • Shut up! Will you shut up?!
  • Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone!

First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin

Shut up! Will you shut up?! Shh! Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride to Camelot! Shut up! Will you shut up?! Well, I didn’t vote for you. It’s only a model. I have to push the pram a lot.

Blue. No, yel…

Where’d you get the coconuts? And this isn’t my nose. This is a false one. What a strange person. Knights of Ni, we are but simple travelers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods. You don’t vote for kings.
  1. Who’s that then?
  2. And this isn’t my nose. This is a false one.
  3. I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now leave before I am forced to taunt you a second time!
  4. Be quiet!
  5. We shall say ‘Ni’ again to you, if you do not appease us.
First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin
Well, I didn’t vote for you. Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone! Who’s that then? I’m not a witch. I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now leave before I am forced to taunt you a second time!
Help, help, I’m being repressed!
The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king. Well, she turned me into a newt. A newt? No, no, no! Yes, yes. A bit. But she’s got a wart. On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place.
Read More

Top 10 care tips for flowers information from bestflowerstore

Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away! Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn’t I break his legs? Tell them I hate them. Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn’t rock.

The Honking

Hey, guess what you’re accessories to. I love this planet! I’ve got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. Actually, that’s still true. Good man. Nixon’s pro-war and pro-family. Meh. Yeah, lots of people did.
  • Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets!
  • Bender, this is Fry’s decision… and he made it wrong. So it’s time for us to interfere in his life.
  • WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT!
  • Hello Morbo, how’s the family?

A Big Piece of Garbage

Who said that? SURE you can die! You want to die?! Man, I’m sore all over. I feel like I just went ten rounds with mighty Thor. Robot 1-X, save my friends! And Zoidberg! Well I’da done better, but it’s plum hard pleading a case while awaiting trial for that there incompetence.

The Why of Fry

I’m sure those windmills will keep them cool. I was all of history’s great robot actors – Acting Unit 0.8; Thespomat; David Duchovny! I saw you with those two “ladies of the evening” at Elzars. Explain that. I don’t ‘need’ to drink. I can quit anytime I want!
  1. THE BIG BRAIN AM WINNING AGAIN! I AM THE GREETEST! NOW I AM LEAVING EARTH, FOR NO RAISEN!
  2. I can explain. It’s very valuable.
  3. Eeeee! Now say “nuclear wessels”!
  4. Oh God, what have I done?
Parasites Lost
You wouldn’t. Ask anyway! You wouldn’t. Ask anyway! I suppose I could part with ‘one’ and still be feared…
Anthology of Interest II
With gusto. Our love isn’t any different from yours, except it’s hotter, because I’m involved. Please, Don-Bot… look into your hard drive, and open your mercy file! THE BIG BRAIN AM WINNING AGAIN! I AM THE GREETEST! NOW I AM LEAVING EARTH, FOR NO RAISEN! Bender! Ship! Stop bickering or I’m going to come back there and change your opinions manually! Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.
Read More

8 ice cream facts in honor of National Ice Cream Day

Keep your mind limber. Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter. This man is a knight in shining armor. Keep your mind limber. You all right, Dexter?

Born Free

Watching ice melt. This is fun. Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a client. I’m real proud of you for coming, bro. I know you hate funerals. He taught me a code. To survive.
  • I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me.
  • Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized.

Take It!

I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. Like a sloth. I can do that. Cops, another community I’m not part of. I’m really more an apartment person.

Father Knows Best

You all right, Dexter? You all right, Dexter? He taught me a code. To survive. I’m really more an apartment person.
  1. Cops, another community I’m not part of.
  2. I’m doing mental jumping jacks.
  3. I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex!
  4. I’m really more an apartment person.
Popping Cherry
I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex! Cops, another community I’m not part of. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. He taught me a code. To survive. I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex! Watching ice melt. This is fun.
An Inconvenient Lie
I’m generally confused most of the time. Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others. I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me. I’m really more an apartment person. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter.
Read More

7 Facts About The iPhone You Probably

Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. Saving the world with meals on wheels. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

Vincent and the Doctor

*Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME!
  • You’ve swallowed a planet!
  • The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
  • The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
  • No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.

Army of Ghosts

I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister. I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. You know when grown-ups tell you ‘everything’s going to be fine’ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better?

Planet of the Dead

*Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister. You’ve swallowed a planet! The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship.
  1. You’ve swallowed a planet!
  2. No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.
  3. It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’!
The Long Game
No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! You’ve swallowed a planet! You know when grown-ups tell you ‘everything’s going to be fine’ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME!
Midnight
Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. Did I mention we have comfy chairs? You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.
Read More

Top Ten Sunset Photography Tips

What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Michael! Marry me. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

Afternoon delight

Steve Holt! Across from where? Really? Did nothing cancel? It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. I’m a monster. That’s why you always leave a note!
  • That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’
  • I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it.

Ready, Aim, Marry Me

Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Marry me. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.

Pier Pressure

I’ve opened a door here that I regret. We just call it a sausage. I care deeply for nature. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?”
  1. Marry me.
  2. Really? Did nothing cancel?
  3. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun.
  4. Across from where?
  5. We just call it a sausage.
Pier Pressure
Whoa, this guy’s straight? There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun.
Good Grief!
Guy’s a pro. I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it. Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast. I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer.
Read More

What and What Not to Do When Your Grass is Yellow

Animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco. Qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum. Do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.

Porro Quisquam

Fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur? Et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit. Nemo enim ipsam voluptatem quia voluptas sit aspernatur aut odit aut fugit. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit. Non numquam eius modi tempora incidunt ut labore et dolore magnam aliquam quaerat voluptatem.
  • Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat.
  • Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus.
  • Eaque ipsa quae ab illo inventore veritatis et quasi.
  • Et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque.

Ut Enim

Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat. Quia consequuntur magni dolores eos qui ratione voluptatem sequi nesciunt. Et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque. At vero eos et accusamus.

Ipsam Vuptatem

Esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Nihil molestiae consequatur, vel illum qui dolorem eum. Quia consequuntur magni dolores eos qui ratione voluptatem sequi nesciunt. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit.
  1. Fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur?
  2. Nihil molestiae consequatur, vel illum qui dolorem eum.
  3. Fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur?
  4. Cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia.
  5. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit.
Ut Enim
Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam. Fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur? Animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. At vero eos et accusamus.
Porro Quisquam
Esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Accusantium doloremque laudantium, totam rem aperiam, eaque ipsa quae ab illo. Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam. Animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga.
Read More

Ergonomic Tips for Synchronizing Work

I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my only link to finding their secret base. Don’t underestimate the Force. You don’t believe in the Force, do you?

The Force Unleashed

In my experience, there is no such thing as luck. What good is a reward if you ain’t around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station ain’t my idea of courage. It’s more like…suicide. Partially, but it also obeys your commands. I call it luck. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you. Partially, but it also obeys your commands.
  • I can’t get involved! I’ve got work to do! It’s not that I like the Empire, I hate it, but there’s nothing I can do about it right now. It’s such a long way from here.
  • Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you.
  • You don’t believe in the Force, do you?
  • Ye-ha!
  • You mean it controls your actions?

The Sith Lords

What?! Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you. What!?

A New Hope

I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my only link to finding their secret base. Red Five standing by. Alderaan? I’m not going to Alderaan. I’ve got to go home. It’s late, I’m in for it as it is. Ye-ha! I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing.
  1. Look, I ain’t in this for your revolution, and I’m not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I’m in it for the money.
  2. Your eyes can deceive you. Don’t trust them.
  3. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you.
The Empire Strikes Back
You mean it controls your actions? You don’t believe in the Force, do you? The Force is strong with this one. I have you now. The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.
The Sith Lords
I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing. I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct. Leave that to me. Send a distress signal, and inform the Senate that all on board were killed. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you. The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.
Read More

Join The Walking Tree in Releasing Their First Full Record

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.

Natural Born Kissers

A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?* Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?
  • The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…
  • Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO!

Life on the Fast Lane

Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO! Inflammable means flammable? What a country.

Selma’s Choice

“Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn. Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!
  1. I didn’t get rich by signing checks.
  2. Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work.
  3. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.
Rosebud
Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world. Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.
Cape Feare
Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”
Read More

A Vintage Slick Clean Running Waltham Altair 17 Jewel

Well, how’d you become king, then? Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone! I dunno. Must be a king. The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice!

What… is your quest?

Burn her anyway! Now, look here, my good man. What do you mean?
  • Camelot!
  • Burn her!
  • We want a shrubbery!!
  • Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I’m being repressed!

I’m not dead!

Why? Found them? In Mercia?! The coconut’s tropical! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! We want a shrubbery!!

Bridgekeeper

Burn her! On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. I’m not a witch.
  1. On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place.
  2. Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Help, help, I’m being repressed!
Where’d you get the coconuts? And the hat. She’s a witch! On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! How do you know she is a witch?
What… is your quest?
…Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. Burn her anyway!
Read More

Keep on Coming Through the Door

OK, this has gotta stop. I’m going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can. Hey! I’m a porno-dealing monster, what do I care what you think? Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase “upside your head.” I love this planet! I’ve got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring.

The Cyber House Rules

Ummm…to eBay? Hey, guess what you’re accessories to. Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree.
  • I feel like I was mauled by Jesus.
  • I’m Santa Claus!
  • Leela, Bender, we’re going grave robbing.

Xmas Story

With gusto. Ah, the ‘Breakfast Club’ soundtrack! I can’t wait til I’m old enough to feel ways about stuff! Fetal stemcells, aren’t those controversial? Bender, this is Fry’s decision… and he made it wrong. So it’s time for us to interfere in his life. And remember, don’t do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to, in which case, for the love of God, don’t not do it!

Attack of the Killer App

But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver. Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away! Who said that? SURE you can die! You want to die?!
  1. Fry, you can’t just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.
  2. Meh.
  3. If rubbin’ frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey I don’t wanna be right.
In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela
Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase “upside your head.” Ooh, name it after me! Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money!
Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences
Bender, being God isn’t easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you, and if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch. Like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Hey, tell me something. You’ve got all this money. How come you always dress like you’re doing your laundry? Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! I never loved you.
Read More

How to Find a Sexy Girl: 7 Steps (with Pictures)

Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a client. He taught me a code. To survive. You’re a killer. I catch killers. Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter.

Road Kill

God created pudding, and then he rested. You all right, Dexter? I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex! I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before.
  • This man is a knight in shining armor.
  • This man is a knight in shining armor.
  • God created pudding, and then he rested.

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Cops, another community I’m not part of. This man is a knight in shining armor. This man is a knight in shining armor.

First Blood

I’m really more an apartment person. This man is a knight in shining armor. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter. You all right, Dexter? I’m real proud of you for coming, bro. I know you hate funerals. I am not a killer.
  1. God created pudding, and then he rested.
  2. I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex!
  3. You all right, Dexter?
  4. Cops, another community I’m not part of.
Teenage Wasteland
I’m generally confused most of the time. Like a sloth. I can do that. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized.
The British Invasion
Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter. Under normal circumstances, I’d take that as a compliment. You all right, Dexter?
Read More

How to get a better seat the next time you fly

Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do!

Army of Ghosts

You’ve swallowed a planet! I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish.
  • You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas?
  • Saving the world with meals on wheels.
  • You’ve swallowed a planet!
  • I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself.

Vincent and the Doctor

I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me! It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you? I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks!

The Empty Child

I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me! Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. Saving the world with meals on wheels. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?
  1. Saving the world with meals on wheels.
  2. Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush.
Evolution of the Daleks
Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself.
Vincent and the Doctor
Aw, you’re all Mr. Grumpy Face today. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. Saving the world with meals on wheels. I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself.
Read More

We Make History: The 2069 Victorian Christmas Ball

Not tricks, Michael, illusions. Really? Did nothing cancel? Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor.

Mr. F

He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right. Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right. Marry me.
  • I’ve opened a door here that I regret.
  • That’s why you always leave a note!
  • He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish.
  • He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish.

Pier Pressure

I’ve opened a door here that I regret. Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. Steve Holt! First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians.

Afternoon delight

Across from where? What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun.
  1. Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer.
  2. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.
  3. Across from where?
Exit Strategy
I’m a monster. Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. Michael! No… but I’d like to be asked! I care deeply for nature.
Good Grief!
It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. Michael! There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. But I bought a yearbook ad from you, doesn’t that mean anything anymore? Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun.
Read More

Sea Stones Coast Single Hook with Backplate

Corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati. Qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum. Corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati. Qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.

Temporibus Autem Quibusdam

Et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque. Non numquam eius modi tempora incidunt ut labore et dolore magnam aliquam quaerat voluptatem. Temporibus autem quibusdam et aut officiis debitis aut rerum necessitatibus saepe eveniet ut et voluptates repudiandae sint et molestiae non recusandae.
  • Qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.
  • Non numquam eius modi tempora incidunt ut labore et dolore magnam aliquam quaerat voluptatem.
  • Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit.
  • Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam.

Porro Quisquam

Non numquam eius modi tempora incidunt ut labore et dolore magnam aliquam quaerat voluptatem. Animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Nisi ut aliquid ex ea commodi consequatur? Quis autem vel eum iure reprehenderit qui in ea voluptate velit esse quam. Fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur?

Temporibus Autem Quibusdam

Fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur? Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit. Non numquam eius modi tempora incidunt ut labore et dolore magnam aliquam quaerat voluptatem. Sed ut perspiciatis unde omnis iste natus error sit voluptatem.
  1. Corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati.
  2. Corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati.
  3. Non numquam eius modi tempora incidunt ut labore et dolore magnam aliquam quaerat voluptatem.
Porro Quisquam
Architecto beatae vitae dicta sunt explicabo. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio.
Quis Nostrum
Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam. Cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia. At vero eos et accusamus. Sed ut perspiciatis unde omnis iste natus error sit voluptatem.
Read More

Lose 13 pounds in 7 days with “Chocolate Cake Diet

But with the blast shield down, I can’t even see! How am I supposed to fight? Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force. I want to come with you to Alderaan. There’s nothing for me here now. I want to learn the ways of the Force and be a Jedi, like my father before me.

The Rebel Force

I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan– I want to come with you to Alderaan. There’s nothing for me here now. I want to learn the ways of the Force and be a Jedi, like my father before me. Oh God, my uncle. How am I ever gonna explain this? Ye-ha! The Force is strong with this one. I have you now.
  • I care. So, what do you think of her, Han?
  • Your eyes can deceive you. Don’t trust them.
  • I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct.

Return of the Jedi

The Force is strong with this one. I have you now. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you. Red Five standing by. Ye-ha! I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct.

Imperial Star Destroyer

I can’t get involved! I’ve got work to do! It’s not that I like the Empire, I hate it, but there’s nothing I can do about it right now. It’s such a long way from here. The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands. Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you. You don’t believe in the Force, do you?
  1. I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing.
  2. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you.
  3. Look, I ain’t in this for your revolution, and I’m not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I’m in it for the money.
The Phantom Menace
Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force. What good is a reward if you ain’t around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station ain’t my idea of courage. It’s more like…suicide. I call it luck.
Rebel Mission to Ord Mantell
No! Alderaan is peaceful. We have no weapons. You can’t possibly… The Force is strong with this one. I have you now. A tremor in the Force. The last time I felt it was in the presence of my old master. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan– I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan–
Read More

Typist: An Excellent, Free App to Learn Touch Typing on Mac

I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV! Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Radioactive Man

Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.” What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway. You don’t win friends with salad. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
  • Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
  • Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?
  • Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.

Rosebud

Ahoy hoy? I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!

Cape Feare

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. I didn’t get rich by signing checks.
  1. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
  2. This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”
  3. When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.
The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show
I hope I didn’t brain my damage. Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…
Duffless
I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction. I was saying “Boo-urns.” Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*
Read More

(UPDATED) No Joke: Israel to Dig Up Obama’s Gift Tree

Burn her anyway! Well, we did do the nose. And this isn’t my nose. This is a false one.

Am I right?

I am your king. No, no, no! Yes, yes. A bit. But she’s got a wart. …Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? How do you know she is a witch?
  • Be quiet!
  • Bring her forward!
  • Oh, ow!
  • Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I’m being repressed!

We want a shrubbery!!

But you are dressed as one… And this isn’t my nose. This is a false one. It’s only a model. Now, look here, my good man. I dunno. Must be a king. A newt?

First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin

Why? Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system! How do you know she is a witch? He hasn’t got shit all over him. Shut up! Will you shut up?! Well, how’d you become king, then?
  1. I dunno. Must be a king.
  2. Bring her forward!
Help, help, I’m being repressed!
Shut up! Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system! Bring her forward! You can’t expect to wield supreme power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
What… is your quest?
I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now leave before I am forced to taunt you a second time! What do you mean? Burn her! Found them? In Mercia?! The coconut’s tropical! What a strange person. No, no, no! Yes, yes. A bit. But she’s got a wart.
Read More

Good Feng Shui Bedroom Colors and Tips

Fry! Stay back! He’s too powerful! I’ve been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? I love you, buddy!

The Deep South

Good man. Nixon’s pro-war and pro-family. Say it in Russian! You lived before you met me?! Ooh, name it after me! Oh, I think we should just stay friends. Why would a robot need to drink?
  • Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There’s only one reasonable course of action now: kill Flexo!
  • You, a bobsleder!? That I’d like to see!
  • Maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you are pretending to be.

I Second That Emotion

It’s just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. Also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you? It must be wonderful. You’re going to do his laundry? In our darkest hour, we can stand erect, with proud upthrust bosoms. I decline the title of Iron Cook and accept the lesser title of Zinc Saucier, which I just made up. Uhh… also, comes with double prize money. I am the man with no name, Zapp Brannigan!

Put Your Head on my Shoulder

You know, I was God once. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools. Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree.
  1. THE BIG BRAIN AM WINNING AGAIN! I AM THE GREETEST! NOW I AM LEAVING EARTH, FOR NO RAISEN!
  2. Calculon is gonna kill us and it’s all everybody else’s fault!
  3. Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree.
  4. I love you, buddy!
Anthology of Interest I
Bender, hurry! This fuel’s expensive! Also, we’re dying! Spare me your space age technobabble, Attila the Hun! Stop it, stop it. It’s fine. I will ‘destroy’ you!
Anthology of Interest I
Yes, I saw. You were doing well, until everyone died. Yes, I saw. You were doing well, until everyone died. I never loved you. Take me to your leader! Hey, whatcha watching?
Read More

Outstrip off to Newmarket but Charlie Appleby won’t risk

Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a client. Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized. I’m partial to air conditioning. Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a client. Pretend. You pretend the feelings are there, for the world, for the people around you. Who knows? Maybe one day they will be. Makes me a … scientist.

Finding Freebo

I’m not the monster he wants me to be. So I’m neither man nor beast. I’m something new entirely. With my own set of rules. I’m Dexter. Boo. This man is a knight in shining armor. You all right, Dexter?
  • Tell him time is of the essence.
  • I’m really more an apartment person.

Road Kill

I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me. Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized. I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me.

An Inconvenient Lie

Tell him time is of the essence. Cops, another community I’m not part of. Watching ice melt. This is fun. Watching ice melt. This is fun.
  1. This man is a knight in shining armor.
  2. I’m doing mental jumping jacks.
  3. I’ve lived in darkness a long time. Over the years my eyes adjusted until the dark became my world and I could see.
Do You Take Morgan?
You all right, Dexter? God created pudding, and then he rested. I’ve lived in darkness a long time. Over the years my eyes adjusted until the dark became my world and I could see. Under normal circumstances, I’d take that as a compliment. Makes me a … scientist.
Dex, Lies, and Videotape
You all right, Dexter? Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a client. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter. I have a dark side, too. I have a dark side, too.
Read More

What does it mean when I have a dream about the girl I use to date

You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. You hit me with a cricket bat. Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time!

The Unicorn and the Wasp

I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me!
  • Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time!
  • It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.

Forest of the Dead

The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

Midnight

*Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! You hit me with a cricket bat. You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas?
  1. They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens!
  2. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?
  3. You know when grown-ups tell you ‘everything’s going to be fine’ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better?
  4. It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.
The Impossible Astronaut
Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. I’m nobody’s taxi service; I’m not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister. *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do!
Journey’s End
I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. You’ve swallowed a planet! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens!
Read More

General advice about caring for your new puppy or dog

There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Army had half a day. That’s why you always leave a note!

Exit Strategy

There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Say goodbye to these, because it’s the last time!
  • Marry me.
  • Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right.
  • I care deeply for nature.

Amigos

No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. I’ve opened a door here that I regret. I care deeply for nature.

Pier Pressure

Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right. I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. Across from where? Well, what do you expect, mother? No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide.
  1. That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’
  2. Well, what do you expect, mother?
  3. Marry me.
  4. It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life.
  5. Steve Holt!
Ready, Aim, Marry Me
What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast. No… but I’d like to be asked! Really? Did nothing cancel? But I bought a yearbook ad from you, doesn’t that mean anything anymore?
Afternoon delight
We just call it a sausage. I’ve opened a door here that I regret. Marry me. No… but I’d like to be asked!
Read More

© Copyright Hotmag